An art piece created by me. It is called "Surreal", a word reflecting how I feel towards God's creation, especially the sky. View larger size here: Surreal

I've been praying a lot lately, and it just feels so good like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. But it has always been hard for me to pray because I'm always full of doubt. Is someone actually listening to my prayers, to my woes, and to my cries? Is there really a God? But it feels good to look forward to praying every night because I have so much to say, ask for, and be thankful for.

These past few days I've been praying for my enemies, those who make me suffer, sad, angry, and those who I just have bad relation with. Boy, was it hard, but it made me feel like a good person to pray for them because it's love...and God is love. However, the hardest person to pray for is for myself. It's hard because I tend to think during prayers that I am innocent, perfect, and free of guilt, but I, too, am at fault as much as my enemy.

To pray for improvements in yourself is one of the hardest thing ever because you think you're already a "good person." It feels uncomfortable to reevaluate and reflect on yourself because no one wants to hear that they're not a good person, especially hearing it from yourself. But I managed to do it, to pray for myself. I watched one of Joel Osteen's videos once. I don't remember the theme of the sermon, but I remember him saying that when you want change, whether it be in a certain situation or person, you should pray for yourself too because what if the situation or person isn't changing because you aren't? Maybe if you changed, things will change too. And I do kinda find truth in that.

I hope it becomes easier for me to pray for myself because I want to be a good person - someone who loves, is kind, and gentle, but most importantly, to be humble. Humble enough to pray for their enemies and to forgive them because God is love.

There was a point in time where I totally believed in the stages of a relationship or “love.” I looked at my own and said, “YES!! THAT’S TOTALLY TRUE! This is the trufff!” However, now, I wish there weren’t stages to relationships or “love.” I mean, there shouldn’t be.

I understand they’re fun to talk about, identify with, and make jokes about it. However, the stages are merely seen as boundaries within a relationship that hinders further explorations or discoveries! They do nothing but say, “HEY. Stop showing so much love and affection towards that person GOSH DANG IT, MARTHA. You shouldn’t do that anymore. Those things belong in the past stage, so stop it! You look ridiculous! You are overdoing it and he is going to get sick of you! Just stop it!”

There shouldn’t be stages in a relationship! It causes boredom, heartaches, and endless anticipation. Love them like you should and how you want.

No matter how comfortable it gets, continue to shower them with love and affection. Yes, they probably know you love and care about them deeply but always remember to remind them from time to time. Don’t let your love get old. Don’t let it get boring. Let it be spontaneous, alluring, and cheesy! SO CHEESY THAT IT MAKES YOU DISGUSTED!

Don’t be afraid. Let it be anything but boring. If you’re too scared or because you’re both “comfortable” now, you both will never get to discover and explore all the ways that make you swoon and melt - and how beyond adorable that person really is than he/she is now.

There are no stages but only years and years of being together. Don’t let your heart be stubborn and restricted, Martha!

RISE AND SHINE: An old snapshot of my journal on an early December morning.

We must learn how to let go.

Let go of the past, let go of his hand, let go of that fist you clenched so tight, let go of that feeling you had six years ago - no matter how great it must have felt. Accept the fact that things are only temporary, and they come and go. Forever does not exist. It will only bring you peace and happiness. Even the hands - our hands - know how to let go. Learn from them. Learn to let go the way your hands let go of the things that are too hot and will burn you. Let go the way your hands let go of the monkey bars when they can’t hold any longer. Let go the way your hands let go of his when you two depart. Let go the way his hands let go of hers to be with you. Let go the way your hands let go of this pen so you can go back to sleep because you’re tired. Let the painful, sorrowful memories go. I know you like to afflict yourself with the past, but please do not. Learn from them, yes, but do not let them do harm to you the same way they did in the past.

Nothing is forever.

If you pay attention to the things around you, you will know. Letting go is a part of life (as cliche as it sounds) - things break, burn, and die little by little, petal by petal, flesh by flesh, everyday like the mountains that are beautifully made only to crumble.