Praying for Myself

An art piece created by me. It is called "Surreal", a word reflecting how I feel towards God's creation, especially the sky. View larger size here: Surreal

I've been praying a lot lately, and it just feels so good like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. But it has always been hard for me to pray because I'm always full of doubt. Is someone actually listening to my prayers, to my woes, and to my cries? Is there really a God? But it feels good to look forward to praying every night because I have so much to say, ask for, and be thankful for.

These past few days I've been praying for my enemies, those who make me suffer, sad, angry, and those who I just have bad relation with. Boy, was it hard, but it made me feel like a good person to pray for them because it's love...and God is love. However, the hardest person to pray for is for myself. It's hard because I tend to think during prayers that I am innocent, perfect, and free of guilt, but I, too, am at fault as much as my enemy.

To pray for improvements in yourself is one of the hardest thing ever because you think you're already a "good person." It feels uncomfortable to reevaluate and reflect on yourself because no one wants to hear that they're not a good person, especially hearing it from yourself. But I managed to do it, to pray for myself. I watched one of Joel Osteen's videos once. I don't remember the theme of the sermon, but I remember him saying that when you want change, whether it be in a certain situation or person, you should pray for yourself too because what if the situation or person isn't changing because you aren't? Maybe if you changed, things will change too. And I do kinda find truth in that.

I hope it becomes easier for me to pray for myself because I want to be a good person - someone who loves, is kind, and gentle, but most importantly, to be humble. Humble enough to pray for their enemies and to forgive them because God is love.